Fantasy Presidential Speech

[SmackMaster]

Fantasy Presidential Speech

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR THE FOLLOWING SPEECH? :D

My Fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is now complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries
which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short.
The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe
China.

To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. You, boys. Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too. I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious
Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA
treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the
world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.

God bless America.
Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English,
thank a veteran.

[Pammypanda1]

Can you add something in there about cracking down on illegal immigrants coming into the US to take away jobs and also, that it will be mandatory that new Americans in the US learn English and how to read and write it so we do not have to have more signs in spanish then english?

i am all for helping out those less fortunate, but it does appear taht we do not get gratitude from it as much as we get taken advantage of from it.

[Randy Pogue]

Can the president also add into the speech that from now on, the purpose for having freedom of speech and freedom of religion in the Constitution will be so he can more easily flush out those who disagree with him, making it easier to limit or eliminate any services/funds that they may currently receive, either inside the country or outside?

Can he also state that when the Declaration of Independence stated that all men are created equal, it meant that they will equally need to know whatever he feels is required, whenever he feels like it, or be deported? Hopefully, this will also mean that natural-born citizens with no grasp of the English language, and who display atrocious grammar and sentence structure on message boards, will be sent to Canada.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading this in America, it’s because a small group of people grew tired of being oppressed by the tyranny of their “leader/homeland,” and fought for FREEDOM. They wisely set forth documentation of how their new world should work, and how to make the new land of opportunity fair to ALL.

Then their descendants ****d, pillaged, burned, and decimated the Indians who inhabited this land to begin with, and have not stopped devouring peoples and cultures ever since. Hopefully we wake up before the rest of the world wakes up and kicks our tail. If not, we more than deserve the beating we get.

God Bless America.

[Jason (fight geek)]

What is funny and intersting is that the founding fathers considered having German the official language of the U.S. due to wanting to break even a further bond with England. How would that have affected history?

It also is a fact that a certain country who believed in the USA helped us in HUGE ways to win our revolution. France.


Why if someone disagrees do we have to kill them or make them persona nongrata? So they didn't think Iraq was worth it. Big deal. Why hate them? Did we need them? How about not berate them, and just do our thing and move on?

The illegal immigrants I know are working jobs, no one else is willing to. And usually working 2 or more of them.

Smackmaster Your call on World Cup soccer was right on though. Soccer? What's that?

Geek

[Pammypanda1]

Geek, You sure know your history!! I'm impressed. ;)

Around this area, the immigrants are taking over a lot of the jobs that our local citizens used to work but because they were union, they lost some of them. I understand, if their union wouldn't have gotten greedy, they would still have them, but why not replace them with US citizens and not those here illegally? We have houses here with 3-4 families in one house, they have fake SS cards or they get paid cash, pay no taxes, and walk around with these rolls of money in their pockets that they were paid from jobs in our town and yet they have the balls to talk negatively towards the people that had once welcomed them into town. If they dont like it, why don't they leave? if they want to stay here, then treat those that are here with respect and dammit, pay taxes like the rest of us! AND talk English since our founding fathers did decide to make it our country's language. :D

If they want us to like them, they need to act likeable!

[Randy Pogue]

Good ideas, Pam. Another good idea would be for all of them to get together, buy a bunch of houses and businesses with those rolls, kill most of the people in town, stick a flag in the dirt and tell the rest of you "bienvenido a México."

God Bless America.

[DEAN LESSEI]

Smackmaster,
That was good. I agree with much of what you wrote. The politicians on both sides refuse to see the problems of ILLEGAL imigration. They refuse to see or hear what the majority of US citizens want. I am disappointed with the governments refusal to secure our borders. President Bush needs to listen to the people that got him elected.

[SmackMaster]

Hold of boys and girls, i did not write it so i can't take any of the credit :) or the blame :eek: , someone e-mailed it to me. what i will say though is i laughed my butt off and said h e l l ya! :D too bad we cant get such a speech, because it is very deserving! rock on!!! ;)

[Mark Grassman]

[QUOTE=SmackMaster]Fantasy Presidential Speech

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR THE...SPEECH? :D

.[/QUOTE]

I think It would be disturbing if it happened.
L :( L

[Craig Smith]

Randy, I Love Ya Brotha, and I am sure I will see you in S.C. this weekend for Ray's show and have a drink afterwards, but may I say, you are full of ****. Sorry for the wording but please get a life and stop bashing our President. If you have not forgot, he Won by a landslide and got more votes for Presidency then any past President. So you Northerners, we in the South thank God for the South.

[Jason (fight geek)]

Craig,
Randy is funny sometimes, and I love to disagree with him.
But let me say this about FACTS,

62,040, 606
59, 028, 109

Craig, is this a landslide? I am not sure.

Also a couple of facts.
1. Bush won the smallest margin of victory for a sitting president in us history in terms % of popular vote. IE he won with 2.5 % more votes than Kerry.

2. Both candidates received more votes than any other president in terms of numbers.

3. More votes were cast for candidates other than the winner than in any other previous us election.



This Northerner will see you in the SOUTH this weekend for some Awesome kickboxing!

I like grits.
Jason

[Randy Pogue]

Hmm... considering the margin of victory, does that mean he had more votes against him than any other president?

Thank God for the South? The things you want to thank God for are exactly what keeps me from moving down there. I might go anyway, but it sure makes the decision harder.

[Randy Pogue]

Crawford, Texas (not AP) - A tragic fire this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The fire began in the presidential bathroom where both of the books were kept. Both of his books have been lost. A presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished coloring the second one.

[Craig Smith]

Randy, I left you a message, this is my last one,I explained why on your phone, call me.

[Pammypanda1]

[QUOTE=Randy Pogue]Crawford, Texas (not AP) - A tragic fire this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The fire began in the presidential bathroom where both of the books were kept. Both of his books have been lost. A presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished coloring the second one.[/QUOTE]
THAT made my morning! LOL Thanks Randy!!

I don't care who you are, that there is FUNNY! :D

[Ronnie Copeland]

I am not trying to pick a fight but here is a joke that I heard.

A teacher in a small Vermont town asks her class how many of them are John Kerry fans. Not really knowing what a John Kerry fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy. The teacher asks Little Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a John Kerry fan." The teacher says, "Why aren't you a John Kerry fan?" Johnny says, "I'm a George Bush fan." The teacher asks why he's a George Bush fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a George Bush fan and my dad's a George Bush fan, so I'm a George Bush fan!" The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Vermont, so she asks, "What if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Little Johnny says, "That would make me a John Kerry fan".

A funny picture I saw:

http://www.teamcopeland.com/kerrys_terror_response.jpg

RC :D

[Randy Pogue]

The election is over, Copeland.:)

[Ronnie Copeland]

I really don't see the big hoopla over investing social securtiy in private accounts that will earn a greater return Mr. Pogue. I think it is the fact that it is Bush's idea that rile the Dems. You cannot have a succesful party platform when the onlly thing the party agrees on is the hatred of one man.

[SmackMaster]

I couldn't resist. I got this in an e-mail the other day, :D


IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU ARE REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT!
2008 Election Issue !!

GET A BILL [CENTER]STARTED TO PLACE ALL POLITICIANS ON SOC. SEC.
This must be an issue in "2008 ".

----------------------------------
SOCIAL SECURITY:
(This is worth reading. It is short and to the point.)

Perhaps we are asking the wrong questions during election years.

Our Senators and Congresswomen do not pay into Social Security and, of course, they do not collect from it.

You see, Social Security benefits were not suitable for persons of their rare elevation in society They felt they should have a special plan for themselves. So, many years ago they voted in their own benefit plan .

In more recent years, no congressperson has felt the need to change it. After all, it is a great plan.

For all practical purposes their plan works like this:
When they retire, they continue to draw the same pay until they die.

Except it may increase from time to time for cost of living adjustments..

This is calculated on an average life span for each of those two Dignitaries. For example, Senator Byrd and Congressman White and their wives may expect to dra w $7,800,000.00 (that's Seven Million, Eight-Hundred Thousand Dollars), with their wives drawing $275,000.00 during the last years of their lives.


Younger Dignitaries who retire at an early age, will receive much more during the rest of their lives.

Their cost for this excellent plan is $0.00 . NADA....ZILCH....

This little perk they voted for themselves is free to them. You and I pick up the tab for this plan . The funds for this fine retirement plan come directly from the General Funds;

"OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK "!

From our own Social Security Plan, which you and I pay (or have paid) into, -every payday until we retire (which amount is matched by our employer)- we can expect to get an average of $1,000 per month after retirement.

Or, in other words, we would have to collect our average of $1,000 monthly benefits for 68 years and one (1) month to equal Senator! Bill Bradley's benefits!


Social Security could be very good if only one small change were made.

That change would be to:
Jerk the Golden Fleece Retirement Plan from under the Senators and Congressmen. Put them into the Social Security plan with the rest of us
then sit back.....
and watch how fast they would fix it. :eek: ;)